Monday, 19 March 2012

Me, the Boyfriend and how I finally crack maths

I go to University and do not give maths a thought for two and a half years.  But then in my final year the job market rears its ugly head and with it my appalling lack of mathematical qualifications.

I complain to my boyfriend that loads of idiots can do maths - why not me?  Boyfriend sees me as the ultimate mathematical challenge and says he will teach me.

Our maths sessions go something like this:
Me (frowning) - But why do you have to do the same thing on both sides - it doesn't make sense?
Him (sighing) - Of course it makes sense - just get on with it.
Me (hair swishing) - Why is maths so boring?
Him (wincing) - Maths is beautiful.
Me (extreme hair swishing with some pouting) - Shall we go and have a drink?  Maths makes me thirsty for alcohol - do you think many mathematicians become alcoholics?
Him (through gritted teeth)  - Please, please stop talking for ten minutes.  Oh for God's sake - even just one minute - please, I beg you.
Me (cheerily) - Sounds like you need a drink - I'll go and get my coat.

Six (very, very, very long) months later - the day after my finals - I go back to my old school to take the maths exam along with a roomful of clever-looking 16 year olds (how I hate them all).

August, the letter comes - I have passed.  I am delighted for about 10 minutes, have a lot to drink to celebrate, burst in to tears and promptly forget how to do percentages.  Boyfriend heaves giant sigh of relief that this is the end of his mathematical involvement with me - well, that is what he thought at the time - even now I email him if I get stuck on a particularly tricky percentage...

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