It is my first week at secondary school - I am terrified, but determined to make friends as soon as possible to avoid social ruin. A few girls in my form meet at lunchtime and decide to form a 'gang' (too many Enid Blyton books rather than the viewing of violent films). We decide to call ourselves 'The Naughty Gang' - given that we become the swottiest girls in the year I can't help feeling a little melancholy when I think what might have been.
Like all gangs we need an initiation ceremony - we dismiss killing people, drinking buckets of blood or chopping off digits as a little excessive and go for something uniquely our own - we would be dragged through rose bushes. You might think this sounds a bit soft - not only did we have to deal with thorns, but the flower bed is directly outside the Deputy Head's office window.
The Deputy Head is a very scary woman with unnaturally black hair and an intimidating pair of horn-rimmed glasses - she carries a slipper for whacking bad girls (it was actually a black plimsoll - not one of those furry things - that would be silly).
I am dragging my friend Holly through the bushes: she obviously likes it as she is shrieking like a banshee. Suddenly the window opens; Slipper Woman takes one look at us and calls us in. Three whacks of the slipper each on the back of the leg and then we are told by the Basilisk that we have made a very bad beginning to our school careers, that she will be watching us closely as we are likely to become a bad influence on other children.